Year in Review

I have not run a marathon since Carcoar so there was nothing to say at least about marathons.

2015 in review

Well what happened to 2015.  I have got into the routine of at this time of the year reflecting on the last 12 months of mainly what was done in regard to running and life in general. It was a year in some respects I would have preferred not to have happened but so be it.

The running year was one again kicked off with the Australia Day marathon in the heat a humidity of Brisbane.  A 5.03 that was much slower that in the past or that was expected. The a few days later to Caboolture the marathon that starts at 4.00 pm and is 84 laps around the historical village. Those laps do my head in and more so this year than in the past. So 90 minutes slower that usual and the only satisfaction was that it ticked off marathon number 197.

Before long it was April and as has been the case for the last 15 years there was the trip to Australia’s capital and the Canberra Marathon. All my family travelled down to see me finish my 200^th in a respectable 3.40. I also ran my 100^th marathon there. The first 100 took 12 years but there was a pleasing negative split for the second 100 that was achieved in 6 years. Not sure if I can repeat that time for the next 100 marathons. Although the more relevant concern might be if I can run another 100 let alone consider how long it will take.

The marathons plans for midyear were significantly interrupted by an operation to remove some lymph node cancers at the start of May. It was expected to be 5/6 days but complications had me in hospital for more than 3 weeks.  So the May/June marathons were missed.

I ran my next on the 12 July at Dolls Point with very little training. More like fast walks as training and anyway who knows my fast walks are slow at the best of time. So walking training for a marathon was not that helpful but still I managed 5.26.

A few weeks later at the start of August I ran (and I use that word rather loosely) the Centennial Park Marathon that was part of a larger ultra event. It involved many laps of the park that is forever changing things to see with other runners, bike riders, families, walkers, families enjoying picnics and horse riders. Lucky there was a lot to see and watch, as it was the worst marathon of the year in 5.50. I never felt ‘good’ from the start and soon adopted a run/walk approach to just survive and finish.

There were then three more marathons in successive weekends. The Tan in Melbourne, Glenbrook Trail Marathon in the lower Blue Mountains just out of Sydney and then Mudgee. The times were great but they were improving.

Then the following week off to the Sunshine Coast in Queensland for the 6^th marathon in 6 weeks and fitness for running was going well. I finished in 4.09 for the quickest of the year and an age group win and a pair of running shoes.

Dubbo was the next weekend for the 7^th in 7 weeks. Something was not quite right for a disappointing 4.54 and somewhat of a struggle.

Since the operation in May my PSA was being measure every 3 weeks and since the operation it had been stable. The in early September it doubled in a month. This raised concern. So deep and meaningful conversation with my specialist took place and it was decided that it was time to have hormone therapy. This had been talked about a while ago but we both thought it was years off but because it now became the next option.

So I received the injection a few days before the Sydney Marathon. It is given in the backside and it was still painful for the marathon and for the first time in 14 Sydney marathons I was over 4 hours in fact a 5.25 where I was walking before 20k. One that is best forgotten for the time but one to be remembered for how I just stayed focused on a finish no matter what it took and it took a lot. It was just a minute faster than my comeback marathon at Dolls Point in July. I was back where I started post op.  

I ran another 4 marathons to complete the year at Western Sydney (4.40), Melbourne (4.44), Batemans Bay (5.13) and Carcoar (5.19). Each was a challenge as the side effects from the hormone injection took hold. Loss of energy easily fatigued and weight gain. All these effects were working against training and running marathons.

In all 20 marathons for the year finished on 215.

The hormone injections will continue each 3 months. In the New Year I will start chemotherapy that has its own side effects. So it maybe quite a challenge but I plan to be at the start and finish of as many marathons as I can. I may have to resort to a run/walk race plan but if I believe I am still able to finish I suspect I will be at the start.

It has been an interesting 2015 that presented some challenges and no doubt 2016 will present a few more. I hope I am able to overcome them and enjoy some events with my many running friends.

Carcoar Marathon: 5.19

I was pleased to start my 5th Carcoar marathon in very pleasant cool conditions. But that lasted about a 1k when the coolness was gone but not feeling hot either. For a few hours the weather  temperature was not an issue. There was some cloud cover and a light breeze that could be felt at times that kept the conditions pleasant for longer than expected.

The course is perhaps the toughest road marathon we have. Trail marathons like Glenbrook are tough but I consider that a trail run. this is more a road marathon that is sometimes on sealed roads and at other time on dirt roads.  Glow Worm marathon is out on its own for being so tough and brutal for any marathon I have run. Running Wild has runs that maybe tougher but they are mainly in trails and I have not run them so no comparison can be made. 

With where I am at, at the moment this was never going to be quick due to a significant lack of fitness. I got what is expected with a very slow run but at least I was not last but not far off it. A long way for 2 years ago with a 3.36 and 6th overall. Maybe I will get back to that running I just need to fix a few things.

In some weird way I enjoyed the marathon not because it was a pleasant experience but because I knew it was going to be a huge challenge because of my fitness. Despite the 5 hour+ finish I thought I managed myself well and got a time that was probably close to my fitness level for the course. I was steady to start with and  ground out the tough bits with a much running as possible. 

I was satisfied with being able to run the last 7k after walking the long steep hills past where there had been forest but has now been cleared. That is the last long steep hill. I walked that and thought about and reflected about what has been a very difficult year with my illness, a long period in hospital after the operation and then the recent death of my father BUT you know what I was running a marathon, not at home in bed or the like.

I am feeling okay with myself and life. Some days are better then other but really that applies to all of us. .

Oh by the way the flies were a real bitch this year. 

Carcoar Marathon next Sunday and some thoughts

This marathon is on Sunday. An easy and beautiful 3 hour drive from Sydney over the mountains. 

Am I ready ? No. 10 days ago I ran the Batemans Bay marathon and today was the first day I have run since. And that was not a run but no more than a jog around the Bay. I don't want to blame anything because it is me that has not got out of the house in the morning. I just don't have the energy or desire. I want to go out but it just does not happen.

Could be the side affect of the hormone treatment that is permanent.

I am back to 2 little voices in my head. That takes me way back to my drinking days. At the moment one says go and run and the other makes excuses (either real or imagined) that I should not and at he moment the 'not run' little man is winning except for this morning, thankfully as I felt much better having jogged the Bay. 

I am not sure how I can get on top of this issue and I want to. Maybe some professional help like I did all those years ago.

Carcoar is a tough hilly course so I know it will be a real test and I will have to use all the experience and will power that I have to finish. I don't need fingers crossed but just a positive frame of mind to get the job done. 

Marathon at Bateman's Bay

This is a new marathon, first time it has been held and off course I could not resist the temptation and so I have entered and supporting it. The event supports Ovarian Cancer that is a very worthy cause.

Bateman's Bay is an easy 4 hour drive south of Sydney on the south coast of NSW. I have travelled south often but not usually as far as this so it will be interesting to travel through a part of NSW that I do not travel often. 

Not a step of running since I crossed the finish line in Melbourne Marathon last week. I am okay with that as it could be considered a nice taper. I have no idea about the course, hills, flat or a combination. Whatever the combination it is still 42.2k. I have no expectation about a time but under 5 hours would be fine. 

Melbourne Marathon 4.44

Perfect weather. Organisation as far as I was concerned was okay.

This was never going to go near a repeat from last year when I ran 3.24. I was just hoping I would not have the issues I had at Sydney and the resultant embarrassing time. I am okay to run a steady half but fatigue sets in soon after that. I may be running the half a but too slow but at the moment I am prepared to run the first half at a 4.30 finish and see what happens in the second half. 

I ran the half in about 2.17. A slight fade in the second half for a 4.44 finish. Whilst I reflect on what I was running last year I am disappointed with the time but when I consider this year I have to be pleased I am running and under 5 hours is okay - just okay. Last year if it was over 4 hours it was disappointing.

How expectations have changed over 12 months.

One next weekend so that will be an interesting morning down at Bateman's Bay. 

Melbourne Marathon on Sunday- lets just get it done and move on

With my health not good and then the death of my father last weekend and his funeral on Tuesday this marathon has not even been a thought until I checked my flight booking etc this morning.

On 2 short runs since the last marathon 2 weeks ago. 

Mind and body are definitely not on and in the Melbourne marathon on Sunday but I will be at the start line and expect some hours later to enter the MCG and over the finish line. 13th Melbourne Marathon and 213th marathon. I should know how to manage myself between the start and finish to just get a finish for this one.

Nothing heroic for me on Sunday. Last years 3.23 is just that last years time. A lot has happened in the year and I am just pleased to be at the start line with the expectation to finish. Time: just under 5 hours would be nice.  A few more to run this year before some time off to regroup my mind and body for what I hope will be a much healthier and quicker 2016. 

Western Sydney marathon # 212 and 4.40.36

Another Western Sydney Marathon completed I'm Saturday morning. About 18 degrees for the 7.00 am start and 28 degrees when I finished.  It was warm but for me (perhaps at my pace) it was okay. Attention had to be paid to hydration and water on the hat but as I say manageable. 

My energy levels fluctuate significantly these days and the onset of fatigue during a marathon cannot be predicted. 

So I now start a marathon thinking of the worst case and then just run on how I feel and take what comes. Nice surprise for this one was a 4.40 and an pleasant 45 minutes faster than Sydney 2 weeks ago. The improvement has nothing to do with fitness just the ebb and flow of the body with hormone treatment that is now permanent thing in my life.

I only ran 3 times since Sydney and each of those was just 7k or so. I used the same plan as for the Sydney marathon and that is try to get to half way in 2.15 and look forward to the challenge and adventure of the second half. Not my usual pacing style but that might be the way it is for the time being.

Anyway I held on in the second half much better than Sydney. I did consciously slow down on the 4th of the 6th laps and maintained that slower pace fairly well. A couple of weeks and then Melbourne and the following week a new one on the far south coast of NSW at Batemans Bay.

Sydney Marathon 5.25 - Oh dear!!!!

Another great event that for me as regards organisation had no issues. Personally a marathon that I would like to forget as regards time but one I will remember for just hanging in there in difficult personal circumstances. 

Number 15 completed to remain a Blue Line Legend for another year. I hope the rest of us made it as well.

Short story is I started off with my great friend Jane the 4.30 pacer and in my present circumstances thought that might be a stretch but was prepared to give it a go. I was never in from and always as planned just behind. Nicely through the half in 2.15 and at that stage 4.30 was going to be very difficult and the second half was going to hurt. I did not know at the time just how much.

The heart rate was never up at all during the race. It was never above a hard walk. After 25k the legs just become so fatigued that running was painful and slow. No more details are needed another than to say the last 17 k from 25k took just over 2 half hours. At times my running was just barely fact enough to pass slow walkers.

A good lesson in just getting the job done no matter what. No comparison to the 3.31 from last year. I just hope sub 4's have not gone for ever but that might be the case with the hormone therapy medication I am now on for the rest of my life. I wonder if yesterday was a window into my new running life.

Medical Update

I have thought long and hard and spoken to a close friend about whether I would post about my latest developments. Is there a right and wrong thing to post about. I don't know and I don't use social media very often. So what is acceptable and what is not? t. 

That question has promoted me to post. The PSA almost doubled in the three months since I was last tested. A doubling in 6 months raises concerns and will warrant some form of further treatment being undertaken. With me there was no option at the moment but to commence hormone replacement therapy HRT. That will continue for the rest of my life or until I decide to cease it because of the side affects.

Cancer arising from the prostate feeds on testosterone and so this injection ceased the production with the expectation that the cancer will not grow, I had th e first of the 3 monthly injections today (between court, picking up my race number and a meeting). Deep into the muscle so a sore backside. Not sure how that will affect the marathon on Sunday but then again it was not going to anything memorable except for how slow I will be.

I am okay. I accept I cannot change the past and there certainly is no benefit in being concerned about the future, I can't change that either. So just be in the moment like we all should be and value what happens on a daily basis.

Side affects. Many with varying degrees as we are all individuals. But the future is likely to result in me being fat, fatigued and forgetful but to what degree that will only be determined in time. So if in the future you happen to see an overweight, slow and confused runner in a marathoner it might be me.

As I said I am okay and being fat, fatigued and forgetful are fine as long as I am not just alive but engaged with, participating in and enjoying life. With that in mind my family (there adult children and partner) are all off to Europe at Christmas for just on 4 weeks in Italy, Austria and Gemany. Leaving late Christmas Day. I will be back in time to start the 2016 marathon season with the Australia Day marathon in Brisbane and hopefully many more marathons during the year and the following years.

Mudgee 4.20 and Sunshine Coast 4.09

I seemed to have missed reporting on Mudgee due to a hectic week with clients and Court appearances. It was overcast and wet and my time continued the steady improvement since the operation. 

Last Sunday I was at the Sunshine Coast and ran this marathon for the first time. An out and back section and then 3 loops with each one returning to the start/finish line. I have no issues with that set up or any other really. 42.195k is that distance no matter how it is structured. It was pleasant to have turn arounds and see the field before and behind a few times. Also the crowd and cheering is confined to a smaller distance and there was plenty of support.

Started of behind Mark the 4 hour pacer and told him before the start I would hold on as long as I could. That is how it worked out. 

My 5k splits until 25k were all 28.xx and I was feeling okay but knew that was my limited and the last 15k would be a matter of holding on and not slowing too much. I felt the slow down and sure it enough the times started to show the slowing as Mark cruised away and his balloons getting smaller and smaller.

The slow down could have been much worse with the final 3 x 5k splits being 30.51, 30.35 and 31.33. So the sun 4 hours that was never likely evaporated with the 3 minute or so blow out in each 5k.

Still I cannot complain as it was my 7th marathon post op and 6 in 6 weeks. 

Dubbo next week. It is a tough course and the weather can be hot so I maybe lucky to better 4.09.

Week in review and Mudgee Marathon

The week as regards running has gone well. I ran as usual on Wednesday, Thursday and this morning. I do the same runs each week (I know boring but ...) and the times have been coming down over the weeks although the perceived effort is the same.

Today was my just under 14k loop that has plenty of hills in the back half. Go out too fast and suffer badly no the run home. Anyway 2 weeks ago i ran this loop in 94 and today 81. Huge improvement and pleased that fitness is returning. Today I felt okay running this quickly whereas over the last few weeks just running at a much slower pace was a real struggle.

Mudgee on Sunday. No chance and no hope of getting under 4 hours. So in the first time ever in this event not a 3 something finish. Weather seems as if it will be runner friendly. Hoping to be comfortably under 5 hours. 

Glenbrook Marathon # 207 : 5.33

What a great morning for running with a great course with forever changing scenery. Always challenging whether it was on the narrow winding technical sections in shaded rainforest deep in the valleys or the exposed hot dry sections that were also technical to the long up hill inclines and off course downhills on the dirt roads through the National Park.

Yes it is all within a National Park about 50 minute drive from Sydney central in the very lower lower Blue Mountains.

It was very chilly at the start but that was soon forgotten as the hard steep uphill climb commences within a k or so of the start. It is a congo line up the winding track that cartooning gets you warm quickly and quite breathless.

I ran almost the whole by myself and was happy with that. I was very happy to be in the moment and take into account the surroundings and not be distracted by conversation or music. Amazing how quickly 5 odd hours can go. 

My aims were under 6 hours and to run all the way including the long inclines. Achieved both so I was pleased as it goes well for my plan to start GH 100 miler in a few weeks. I do not need to be quick but to be able to stay moving forward to 27 odd hours anon longer than the cut off of 30 hours. 

Next weekend Mudgee. One of my favourites. I was there for the first one in 2001 and have run 12 before this one. All have been under 4 hours. I doubt that will happen this weekend bit I might just start out at 4 hour pace and wait for the crash and burn slow down. Still If I am expecting it I will not be supervised when it happens or the slow time. 

Week in review and thoughts on Glenbrook marathon

I can tell the routine of life has returned to usual as I am now running marathons weekly. The routine might have resumed but the times are far from the usual of the recent past.

This week the usual recovery after the marathon. No running Monday & Tuesday and then 2 days of 10k and a longer run this morning of 14k. Noe are quick but each were quicker than on the same day last week for the same run. Perhaps my recovery is getting quicker and maybe following form that I am getting a bit fitter as each week goes by. 

Trail marathon in Sunday at Glenbrook in the lower Blue Mountains. No plan or possibility of challenging for quicker than 4.45. Last time when I was fitter I ran about 5.30 so at my best and the weather might be a factor, the same time would be a good result and no worse that 5.59 - hopefully.

# 206 : Tan Marathon 4.45.xx

So a week later and 70 minutes faster. I can give no reason why other than it happened. At Centennial Park I felt fatigued from the start and I think starting a walk/run from about 12k to the end. At the Tan     I felt comfortable all the way. 

I did not walk a step except to get a drink. The 11 laps and so 11 times up Anderson Hill were all run - perhaps slowly but it was a running stride not walking. So no walking was the first aim - ticked. The second was to run steady. 

I really thought that just under 6 hours would be the best I could expect. The loop in about 3.9k and I thought maybe start out at 30 minutes a lap and if I could hold on that would be 5.30 or so. First lap in 27 and it felt comfortable that was about 6.42 pace. I then decided that I would try to maintain that pace for as long as I could. It felt comfortable and not pushed.

The 11 laps take well ... 11 laps. They seemed to go more quickly that the time. Anderson Hill is about 750m from the start/finish and the drink station. So run into the drink station and take what was needed and start running again and mentally prepare for the hill that is maybe 600 metres. Get to the top and it is flat or downhill to the start finish and that section is about 2k. So relax and stride out back to the start finish and repeat 11 times.

Never boring.  

All my laps were between 25/27 minutes. So steady all the way with a finishing average of 6.45 per k. Not quick but i achieved what I set out to do and as a bonus a huge time improvement.

Recover and get ready for a trail marathon at Glenbrook on Sunday. In the lower Blue Mountains just west of Sydney. So sleep at home and an hours drive to the start. 

Week in review and pre Tan Marathon thoughts

As recovery there was no run on Monday and Tuesday.  Ventured out on Wednesday morning for a lap of the Bay on what was reported to be the coldest morning in Sydney for some years. It felt okay but then again I had a few layers on, beanie and gloves.

It was a beautiful still morning with no wind chill factor. Unfortunately the run was not as pleasant as the weather and sunrise. It was to be expected as it was getting over the marathon. Thursday was another lap of the Bay and it was quicker and the body was working much better.

This morning a 14k loop that as as many long inclines and steep hills that I can find while never being far from the Bay run and touching on it in places and then moving away for some hills and back to it. It is always moving around the Bay and is quite challenging in the second half where the steep hills are found. 

I felt very good and the over pace was not much slower that Thursday's lap of the Bay that is flat and half the distance.

Tan Marathon on Sunday. Many laps of that iconic running track. No aim other than steady, as little walking as possible and under 6 hours so I have time to get to the airport and flight home. 3 in 3 weeks and not sure if some fitness is coming or I will be fatigued because of lack of fitness. Only 4 more in the next 4 weeks to go then GH 100 miler (still not decided) and then the following week the Sydney marathon. 

Centennial Park Marathon # 205: 5.50

Decided not to travel to Brisbane and run a double. At the time when I made the decision I was not sure whether it was the right one. It was. 

What a glorious late winters day in Sydney. The temperature was as high as about 25 degrees at about 2 pm. I finished just before then and did not find the temperature an issue.

It was 11 laps of the park with a 100k, 50k and 12 hour events being run at the same time. A very small number of hard heads (take that at about 5/6 opted for the marathon). Thank you to the organiser who allowed us to run even though it was not scheduled as an event.

The plan was to run about 5 hours but after a couple of laps I felt very fatigued and know it was going to be a long hard day. I then changed plan to a 6 hour finish and alternating running with walking and then trying to finish off strong. Also in the last two marathons as I have become fatigued I have commenced to lean rather noticeably and I thought moving forward for 6 hours might start to work on that issue.

So it was for 8 laps walk half and run the other half. That took about 34/35 minutes. I was lapped many times but when you are slow on a circular track what do you expect. With 2 laps to go I had just under 70 minutes to be under 6 hours. Started running - ran the last two laps both just under 30 minutes and no lean.

Another finished and hopefully some more endurance in the legs and body.

Probably in Melbourne next weekend for the Tan Marathon. I think another marathon of about 10 laps of the iconic running venue in Melbourne. I have to think seriously about the recovery running this week.

# 204 M7 : 5.05.56

I planned to run each half quicker than Dolls Point and not even splits. Idea is that I need to treat some of these early marathons after the operation as training runs. That is push hard for the first half and then hold on otherwise I will have the same intensity for the whole marathon and I don't want that at the moment.

I hoped for a 5 hour marathon with 2.15 and 2.45 halves.  I had 2.17 and 2.48 so I am okay with that as it was about as planned/expected. Also at halfway I was 141st position and ended up 138th. So despite the slow up compared to others I gained a few positions. 

What more can I say this is just one marathon on the way to getting back to a sub 4 on a regular basis. I have two choices for next weekend. Try a marathon on Saturday and Sunday at Brisbane or run one in Sydney. Undecided and I will decide by Wednesday to see how I feel. If I run the double they will be both slow and in the Sunday one I run the chance of not making the end by the cutoff or worse still a DNF.

Either way I may through my slow movement towards regaining fitness out. Maybe I should be happy to run a marathon on consecutive weekends and not put myself in a position where I could seriously injure myself or at least do some serious damage to muscles that are just not that strong at the moment. 

# 203 Dolls Point Marathon: 5.26.39

I ran this last Sunday. The weather was predicted to be cold and windy. It was but not as bad as it could have been but for me it was still a beanie and gloves for the whole event. I never felt too warm as I was not moving fast enough for that to be an issue. 

I was really worried at the start that near the end it would become very ugly. That did not really happen and whilst I was slow I was always managing the fatigue and tiredness so that I knew I would finish it was just it was taking so long. In fact 2 hours slower than last year.

I started off with Jane and we ran about 7k together but she was moving at just over 6 minutes a k pace and I know that I could not last too long at that speed so I told he to go ahead. I was happy to run alone in my thoughts. I always planed to run the first half without walk breaks and to run it as quick as I could knowing I had another half to go. 

Yes I know even splits are the way to go but really this and the next few marathons are more about training that running them for only a time. So push hard for the first half and run/walk the second half. Hopefully to finish in under 6 hours. 

Splits were not even but that was to be expected with the race plan I had. 2.23 + 3.03.

Next marathon on Sunday week. Hopefully with the same plan just under 5 hours. 

A marathon at last !!! Dolls Point this Sunday

No Barrosa Valley marathon
No Glow Worm Cave marathon
No Macleay River Marathon
No Gold Coast Marathon 

Life is more that running a marathon but that sums up that part of my life for the last almost 2 months. BUT I do plan to make a return to marathon running this Sunday with the Sri Chimnoy event at Dolls Point on the shores of Botany Bay within sight of the city skyline.

So what has happened to my last post. Well off course in hospital. Some post op issues that seen my almost taking up a room permanently or at least until late May. Discharged and 4 days later back in because of further complications for another 3 nights until that was sorted out.

Post op the pathology was what was expected. Of the 4 lymph nodes detected with cancer three were removed and the other could not. Post op the PSA reading had not reduced. It was expected to do so but .... not what we were hoping for but maybe the test was too soon but after the usual time. Another PSA in early September and until then just carry on life. 

Thankfully all of the post op issues are resolved and life has just about returned to normal. 

Running has not been regular and what there has been has been very slow. But I am grateful to be well enough to have a choice in the morning of whether i run or not. There may come a time in the future when I do not have that choice and I am not well enough to run. Hopefully that is a long way off in the future. 

I will take each day as it comes. Reminds me of AA and ' A day at a time' philosophy. 

Sunday and the marathon. A finish in under about 6 hours 30 minutes will be a bonus. Secret hope just under 6 hours but really i have no idea how long. It will be a run/walk strategy from early on. I just hope I have the patience as well as fitness to last 6 hours.

A frightening word

I think the word cancer frightens more people more often than any other word in the English language. The word death perhaps much less so. I wonder way? 

Perhaps because we associate cancer something drawn out, something to to endured through, something that creates a lot of suffering and pain. The suffering affects both the person concerned, family and friends and all go through a very dissolute time . Death is an end and others suffer.

I have made known my condition certainly not for sympathy however I am not sure when I think about why i have chosen to do so. Perhaps it is just an underlying life philosophy and professional requirement to be honest and transparent at all times irrespective of the circumstances or consequences. And the consequence I wish to avoid is that I place a burden on anyone who is aware of my condition. 

There is nothing that I can say or my family and friends can say that can alter where I am at and where this will go and when. The sharing may however help me on this journey. The final destination is know (and isn't the true for all of us), when I will arrive there I don't know but I know that I am on a journey like we all are to the final destination. I have just had a signal that the destination is approaching sooner than I might have otherwise expected or hope for. 

I wish to enjoy and embrace the time that I have on this journey. I wish to live in the moment and not focus or be burdened by the future. 

I might have a serious illness but I am not seriously ill. I feel no symptoms. I will not just sit and wait for the destination. Running has been and is a significant part of my life and my being. If I gave that up and waited then I would loose a significant part of my life. I will resume running and continue to run regardless of what this illness does to me. I suspect I might get slower but I will not reduce the effort I will put into it.

An operation last Wednesday and still in hospital trying to get over some complications. At the moment I just have to be patient, take the medical advice and bask in being in the sunshine again when I get discharged instead of looking at it.

Foggy morning at the Bay

I decided I would run this morning even though I ran a marathon on Sunday. I wanted to run and not recover/rest as I have the operation tomorrow and just wanted to squeeze in a run before - I guess just to clear my head etc.

It was not cold and they predicted a fog and that means what is usually seen on the clear of the morning but with a fog things take on another perspective. I was not disappointed. I took my phone and here:

Below the two Iron Cove Bridges 

The old Iron Cove Bridge not far from my place

The run was never about training just running because I can. A run for the run day. 

Sri Chimnoy Marathon about 4.55

Another Sunday and marathon. Last Sunday at the National Park just south of Sydney. 

Beautiful bush course of two laps. It isa well formed fire trail wide and runnable but I am not a trail runner at the best of time so whilst I find the scenery so so pleasant I find the running so so difficult. I believe that I am a rhythm runner - that is when running a road marathon I can get into a regular rhythm and I seem to be able to manage it. Get me on a trail where there are continual changes in the surface and stride length etc and I seem to struggle.

Perhaps it s that I don't train on trails and so I don't run well on trails. Maybe not so much of style but more to do with training. Anyway notwithstanding my perceived difficulties I still enjoyed the run

Sydney and many parts of NSW have had large amounts of rain recently. Early Saturday it was dry and sunning but by late afternoon it was raining and rained heavy during most of the night. It was certain the course was going to be muddy and wet. 

I ran with my two friends Jane and Pete and we stayed together the whole run. I did my usual of very little talking and even more so at the moment. I guess with not knowing the future it is as if I want to savoury each step and so do not want to be distracted. I need and want very much to be in the moment of running and not take my mind away from that by distractions. 

If and when I need or have to stop running I want to have some marathons clear in my mind so that I can replay them in my mind with clarity as if it was happening right then. A bit weird perhaps but that  is where I am at, at the moment. Also time was not an issue except to be under 5 hours. Perhaps that has to do with extending the experience so that it can be enjoyed for longer. 

I think Paula Radcliffe said after finishing he last London marathon a week or so ago that she did not want it to end. I guess I am thinking the same thing. Anyway with a bit of a push over the 3/5k we wandered over the finish line in just under 5 hours and comfortably fatigued. 

Did I win?

This is the name of a book about about George Sheehan a runner and writer in the later 60's until his death 1993 aged 75 from cancer. It was written after his death and contained some of the articles written by him and comments by runners and family about their memory of him. 

The question is raised by him when he was diagnosed with cancer and prompted him to consider the question not only in regard to his running but in regard to his life in general. I must admit to asking that question of myself lately.

With major surgery coming up next Wednesday to remove 4 cancer tumours there is no doubt the sunset of my life is coming closer and quicker than I could have ever expected. There have been no discussions about life expectancy and having that discussion with the Doctor is unfair on him and would probably amount to guess work by him. It would also set a time frame for me that clearly has no foundation. 

It is no doubt however that life will be shorter that I expected or planned.

How am I dealing with that. I don't think it has really set in and I suppose at the moment it is not denial that this is happening to me but .... well I don't really know what I feel or is it a feeling of unreality. That is this cannot be happening to me. I am fit. I feel health and strong but I know I have a serious issue that is not getting better and will not be cured. 

I am determined not to let this cloud that is no over me and with me to become a burden to me or others that are my family and friends. 

So back to the question. Did I win? That is the past tense. Perhaps it should be 'Am I winning?' I think so. I have have had and hope to have many more wonderful experiences with my family, with my friends and many more running experiences that bring pleasure and happiness to me and others.

An underlying question has been for a long while has been 'Why do I run?' At first it was in the early 70's because that was what was happening in the world at the time. Jogging was the in thing. Then I stopped for a while and in the 90's when I started against was to overcome alcoholism and then I just kept running. Along the way I lost weight and adopted a 'healthy lifestyle'. I have overcome alcoholism and a healthy lifestyle is now the norm. So why do I continue to run? 

It think because I can and because I just like running of the simple pleasure of running. I feel that running will now become the way I now deal with and manage this final issue presented to me in my life. 

I am not sure if this will be read and it not written for the purpose of being read but to allow me a way of spending some quiet time with my thoughts as this journey (don't you just hate the use of that word). Perhaps it is better expressed and an experience that I am going through at the moment and along with running might be a way that I find helps me cope. I might writer often I might not so often but will write when I feel the need to do so. 

Brimbank Park Trail Marathon: 4.49.30

The weather was cool and overcast. The clouds were broken and moving in the sky quite swiftly and so there were time of bright sunshine and soon after dark clouds and rain. I guess standard for a day in Melbourne. 

The course is within a large park not far from the airport with some running in a sheltered valley alongside a river. Very pleasant. There were some steep climbs as well. Over all a very challenging course on trails but no single file stuff. At time on a bike path as well. 

So changeable weather, changeable running surface and certainly not flat.

Would I be back yes. This was never going to be quick as I just wanted to enjoy a marathon that was not on a road, was not crowded and had a friendly running surface in some trees. This one ticked all the boxes. 

I only ever wanted to finish in time to be able to hang around the finish, have a chat and catch my plane home without a rush. Box ticked on all those as well. Quite a few 100 marathon club members running with Sue O'Brien running her 100th marathon and 4th Australian woman to do so. 

Since the run to today (Thursday) have rested and not run. 

Brimbank marathon

I am presently in Melboune on a cold and miserable night with the temperature about 13 degrees with showers. The forecast is for improving weather overnight with hopefully dry conditions. The temperature is expected to range from 9 to 15. I am okay with the temperature I just hope heavy rains stays away.

I am not mentally or physically prepared for this marathon. In my mind I shouldn't be here and that adds to my usual pre race thought that maybe this wil be the one that I canot finish. But I guess I have that thought for a lot of marathons and it never happens but realt this time I am in no mood to run.

That mood may have a lot to do with news I had from the oncologist and surgeon on Thursday. More about that later.

No estimate on the time as I have not run this before. Something under 5 hours would be fine. I can't be much longer as I have a plane to catch late in the afternoon.

Canberra Marathon : 3.40.53 and #200 done

Well #200 is done and running marathons can resume its usual rhythm.

The weather was just perfect for running. As I said I started off with the 3.30 pacer or at least just behind the large group surrounding the pacer. I stayed out of the group as I prefer to run in my own space. I managed to stay with the group until about 20k and I was at the time maintaining a steady 4.59 pace.

At that time I knew I could not continue at that pace and so I eased back and for the next 10k averaged 5.15 but by 30k that was becoming more different to maintain. I did not consciencly ease back but I knew I was slowing down. All I was doing was running as hard as I could knowing what distance I had left to run

Yes it has been a while

A report about the Wangaratta Marathon and then nothing. Time and life has just got away from me. Beside I have only ran one marathon since and that was at Orange and in a time I would prefer to forget. Perhaps that is why i have not posted - it was not worth the effort to report on. It was so long ago I will leave it at 4.17.

It is now a few days before the Canberra marathon and number 200. In 2009 it was number 100 at Canberra and I have been blessed with good health most of the time to be able to run the 100 in 6 years. Where has that time gone and all that running and training. 

Training as been much less consistent of late for various reasons. Mostly a lack of focus by being distracted by other outside issues. I am still not as focused as I have been in the past and so do not train as often or as long as I did in the past but having said that I had great year last year and a very ordinary start to this year.

The training I have done since Orange I don't think is enough to get a time close to 3.30 but closer to 4 hours. BUT I intend to start at 3.30 pace and see how I feel at no later than 10k and if I know it is not going to happen then I will quickly shift back to plan B. That maybe a finish in front of the 3.45 bus if possible. 

A quite weekend. That is my family will travel with me (wife and 2 out of the 3 children). A quiet dinner with 2 of the girls in the 100 marathon club and early to bed to contemplate the achievement. A slow and thoughtful walk to the start (alone) to get my head in the right space and then ...... 

Wangaratta Marathon : 4.08 oh well better that the last 2 but ….

Not the result I was hoping for but then again I am not surprised. It was warm to seat with and got warmer. The temperature was about 18 at the start and by the time I finished a little over 28. 

I ran the half in about 1.53 but knew that pace would not last. It was all about me then waiting for the slow down to occur. It started soon after. The next 10k was run in about 57 minutes or 5.42 pace instead of the about 5.30 I had managed up to half way.

The wheels well and truly fell of after 30k with the average sliding to 7.15 per k. It seemed that pace slowed in proportion to the increase in temperature. I would like to use that as the excuse but the fact is I handle the heat well i am just not fit enough to hold my pace over the second half as I was doing last year. 

A 1.53/2.15 split shows that dramatically.

I just need to do more solid and hard training but i know that is not going to happen. It might seem that some of my runs last year might have been my high water mark and I am back to struggling to go under 4 hours. Lets hope not and that some how I get my motivation back and some decent times.

The Orange marathon is on this Sunday. I would be delighted to run 3.45 and that will be my starting pace. Lets hope I hold the back half pace better than last week. 

Finally out for a 5kTT

I have not run for the last two days because well i just could not motivate myself. OR you could call it a  short and wise 2 day taper for the marathon on Sunday. Whichever it was 2 days off.

I was out this morning predawn that was warm and humid. A quick 5k is never easy and with the humidity it adds another dimension. My most recent quickest was 20 January with 20.50 and today I managed 21.19 so I should be pleased with that. 

Sunday: Wangaratta Marathon

Never run it before but I know it is really flat. Maybe a course that you can get a rhythm on and just try and tune out of the pain and just maintain it. With the last 2 marathons being more that just slow and not  much if any quality training I have no idea of a possible time or a pace to set out on. Toss a coin and say it would be nice but not likely to have a 3.3x finish. 

It will not be quicker but could be much slower.