Did I win?

This is the name of a book about about George Sheehan a runner and writer in the later 60's until his death 1993 aged 75 from cancer. It was written after his death and contained some of the articles written by him and comments by runners and family about their memory of him. 

The question is raised by him when he was diagnosed with cancer and prompted him to consider the question not only in regard to his running but in regard to his life in general. I must admit to asking that question of myself lately.

With major surgery coming up next Wednesday to remove 4 cancer tumours there is no doubt the sunset of my life is coming closer and quicker than I could have ever expected. There have been no discussions about life expectancy and having that discussion with the Doctor is unfair on him and would probably amount to guess work by him. It would also set a time frame for me that clearly has no foundation. 

It is no doubt however that life will be shorter that I expected or planned.

How am I dealing with that. I don't think it has really set in and I suppose at the moment it is not denial that this is happening to me but .... well I don't really know what I feel or is it a feeling of unreality. That is this cannot be happening to me. I am fit. I feel health and strong but I know I have a serious issue that is not getting better and will not be cured. 

I am determined not to let this cloud that is no over me and with me to become a burden to me or others that are my family and friends. 

So back to the question. Did I win? That is the past tense. Perhaps it should be 'Am I winning?' I think so. I have have had and hope to have many more wonderful experiences with my family, with my friends and many more running experiences that bring pleasure and happiness to me and others.

An underlying question has been for a long while has been 'Why do I run?' At first it was in the early 70's because that was what was happening in the world at the time. Jogging was the in thing. Then I stopped for a while and in the 90's when I started against was to overcome alcoholism and then I just kept running. Along the way I lost weight and adopted a 'healthy lifestyle'. I have overcome alcoholism and a healthy lifestyle is now the norm. So why do I continue to run? 

It think because I can and because I just like running of the simple pleasure of running. I feel that running will now become the way I now deal with and manage this final issue presented to me in my life. 

I am not sure if this will be read and it not written for the purpose of being read but to allow me a way of spending some quiet time with my thoughts as this journey (don't you just hate the use of that word). Perhaps it is better expressed and an experience that I am going through at the moment and along with running might be a way that I find helps me cope. I might writer often I might not so often but will write when I feel the need to do so. 

Brimbank Park Trail Marathon: 4.49.30

The weather was cool and overcast. The clouds were broken and moving in the sky quite swiftly and so there were time of bright sunshine and soon after dark clouds and rain. I guess standard for a day in Melbourne. 

The course is within a large park not far from the airport with some running in a sheltered valley alongside a river. Very pleasant. There were some steep climbs as well. Over all a very challenging course on trails but no single file stuff. At time on a bike path as well. 

So changeable weather, changeable running surface and certainly not flat.

Would I be back yes. This was never going to be quick as I just wanted to enjoy a marathon that was not on a road, was not crowded and had a friendly running surface in some trees. This one ticked all the boxes. 

I only ever wanted to finish in time to be able to hang around the finish, have a chat and catch my plane home without a rush. Box ticked on all those as well. Quite a few 100 marathon club members running with Sue O'Brien running her 100th marathon and 4th Australian woman to do so. 

Since the run to today (Thursday) have rested and not run. 

Brimbank marathon

I am presently in Melboune on a cold and miserable night with the temperature about 13 degrees with showers. The forecast is for improving weather overnight with hopefully dry conditions. The temperature is expected to range from 9 to 15. I am okay with the temperature I just hope heavy rains stays away.

I am not mentally or physically prepared for this marathon. In my mind I shouldn't be here and that adds to my usual pre race thought that maybe this wil be the one that I canot finish. But I guess I have that thought for a lot of marathons and it never happens but realt this time I am in no mood to run.

That mood may have a lot to do with news I had from the oncologist and surgeon on Thursday. More about that later.

No estimate on the time as I have not run this before. Something under 5 hours would be fine. I can't be much longer as I have a plane to catch late in the afternoon.

Canberra Marathon : 3.40.53 and #200 done

Well #200 is done and running marathons can resume its usual rhythm.

The weather was just perfect for running. As I said I started off with the 3.30 pacer or at least just behind the large group surrounding the pacer. I stayed out of the group as I prefer to run in my own space. I managed to stay with the group until about 20k and I was at the time maintaining a steady 4.59 pace.

At that time I knew I could not continue at that pace and so I eased back and for the next 10k averaged 5.15 but by 30k that was becoming more different to maintain. I did not consciencly ease back but I knew I was slowing down. All I was doing was running as hard as I could knowing what distance I had left to run

Yes it has been a while

A report about the Wangaratta Marathon and then nothing. Time and life has just got away from me. Beside I have only ran one marathon since and that was at Orange and in a time I would prefer to forget. Perhaps that is why i have not posted - it was not worth the effort to report on. It was so long ago I will leave it at 4.17.

It is now a few days before the Canberra marathon and number 200. In 2009 it was number 100 at Canberra and I have been blessed with good health most of the time to be able to run the 100 in 6 years. Where has that time gone and all that running and training. 

Training as been much less consistent of late for various reasons. Mostly a lack of focus by being distracted by other outside issues. I am still not as focused as I have been in the past and so do not train as often or as long as I did in the past but having said that I had great year last year and a very ordinary start to this year.

The training I have done since Orange I don't think is enough to get a time close to 3.30 but closer to 4 hours. BUT I intend to start at 3.30 pace and see how I feel at no later than 10k and if I know it is not going to happen then I will quickly shift back to plan B. That maybe a finish in front of the 3.45 bus if possible. 

A quite weekend. That is my family will travel with me (wife and 2 out of the 3 children). A quiet dinner with 2 of the girls in the 100 marathon club and early to bed to contemplate the achievement. A slow and thoughtful walk to the start (alone) to get my head in the right space and then ......