A frightening word

I think the word cancer frightens more people more often than any other word in the English language. The word death perhaps much less so. I wonder way? 

Perhaps because we associate cancer something drawn out, something to to endured through, something that creates a lot of suffering and pain. The suffering affects both the person concerned, family and friends and all go through a very dissolute time . Death is an end and others suffer.

I have made known my condition certainly not for sympathy however I am not sure when I think about why i have chosen to do so. Perhaps it is just an underlying life philosophy and professional requirement to be honest and transparent at all times irrespective of the circumstances or consequences. And the consequence I wish to avoid is that I place a burden on anyone who is aware of my condition. 

There is nothing that I can say or my family and friends can say that can alter where I am at and where this will go and when. The sharing may however help me on this journey. The final destination is know (and isn't the true for all of us), when I will arrive there I don't know but I know that I am on a journey like we all are to the final destination. I have just had a signal that the destination is approaching sooner than I might have otherwise expected or hope for. 

I wish to enjoy and embrace the time that I have on this journey. I wish to live in the moment and not focus or be burdened by the future. 

I might have a serious illness but I am not seriously ill. I feel no symptoms. I will not just sit and wait for the destination. Running has been and is a significant part of my life and my being. If I gave that up and waited then I would loose a significant part of my life. I will resume running and continue to run regardless of what this illness does to me. I suspect I might get slower but I will not reduce the effort I will put into it.

An operation last Wednesday and still in hospital trying to get over some complications. At the moment I just have to be patient, take the medical advice and bask in being in the sunshine again when I get discharged instead of looking at it.

Foggy morning at the Bay

I decided I would run this morning even though I ran a marathon on Sunday. I wanted to run and not recover/rest as I have the operation tomorrow and just wanted to squeeze in a run before - I guess just to clear my head etc.

It was not cold and they predicted a fog and that means what is usually seen on the clear of the morning but with a fog things take on another perspective. I was not disappointed. I took my phone and here:

Below the two Iron Cove Bridges 

The old Iron Cove Bridge not far from my place

The run was never about training just running because I can. A run for the run day. 

Sri Chimnoy Marathon about 4.55

Another Sunday and marathon. Last Sunday at the National Park just south of Sydney. 

Beautiful bush course of two laps. It isa well formed fire trail wide and runnable but I am not a trail runner at the best of time so whilst I find the scenery so so pleasant I find the running so so difficult. I believe that I am a rhythm runner - that is when running a road marathon I can get into a regular rhythm and I seem to be able to manage it. Get me on a trail where there are continual changes in the surface and stride length etc and I seem to struggle.

Perhaps it s that I don't train on trails and so I don't run well on trails. Maybe not so much of style but more to do with training. Anyway notwithstanding my perceived difficulties I still enjoyed the run

Sydney and many parts of NSW have had large amounts of rain recently. Early Saturday it was dry and sunning but by late afternoon it was raining and rained heavy during most of the night. It was certain the course was going to be muddy and wet. 

I ran with my two friends Jane and Pete and we stayed together the whole run. I did my usual of very little talking and even more so at the moment. I guess with not knowing the future it is as if I want to savoury each step and so do not want to be distracted. I need and want very much to be in the moment of running and not take my mind away from that by distractions. 

If and when I need or have to stop running I want to have some marathons clear in my mind so that I can replay them in my mind with clarity as if it was happening right then. A bit weird perhaps but that  is where I am at, at the moment. Also time was not an issue except to be under 5 hours. Perhaps that has to do with extending the experience so that it can be enjoyed for longer. 

I think Paula Radcliffe said after finishing he last London marathon a week or so ago that she did not want it to end. I guess I am thinking the same thing. Anyway with a bit of a push over the 3/5k we wandered over the finish line in just under 5 hours and comfortably fatigued.